The heart of pain

My rotator cuff is killing me. So is my right hip. I've been dealing with muscle pain for 10+ years but am only just figuring out what the real source of the problem is. I could have fixed this 10 years ago if I had taken the time to learn about the body and to stretch, but most of the time it wasn't debilitating enough for me to do anything about it, and I loathe stretching. I've known that my piriformis was one of the culprits for years but I've just been putting band-aids over the situation.

A little over a year ago I decided enough was enough. I was just waiting to have my baby and then I would get serious. My piriformis was hurting me so badly after I had Rylan that I had to be pushed up to the NICU in a wheelchair to see him. Six weeks after I had him I started a program called Tai Cheng as well as started walking. That helped my body a lot. When I was done I noticed that the general pain was gone and I could now pinpoint where the pain was originating from, my right hip and my shoulder area.

Last week I started a new program called Turbofire. In the stretching portion of the workout the instructor mentions the rotator cuff and does a rotator cuff stretch. It was then that I realized that I can't even move my arms halfway as as far as I should be able to in the rotator cuff stretch. I did a little research and lo and behold, my rotator cuff isn't only killing me, it's one of the sources of pain that I've been dealing with for years. While vacuuming the other day I could fill it in my shoulder and I wondered how I didn't recognize that pain before. I had had it for so long I had just started to ignore it. Ignoring the pain lead to severe shoulder and neck pain that also goes down my arm.

As I thought about my ignorance I was reminded about the morning I had that day. It was a rough and stressful morning. I was once again dealing with a problem that I have been pondering how to fix for months that I thought had gotten better. At my wit's end I got on my knees and asked "What lack I yet?" The answer I received was surprising but made a lot sense. How could I not see that was the answer? Because I had been just living with it for so long that it leaked into the rest of my life wreaking havoc wherever it could and I could no longer see that was where the problem had originated. I also didn't believe it could be fixed. But the Spirit says it can be fixed! Just like I can fix my body even though I spent so many years thinking I would just have to live with the pain.

I love the journeys that Heavenly Father takes me on. He leads me to one answer that I work on for as long as I need to until I'm ready for Him to take me on to the next one. It started a little over a year ago with me finally deciding to do something about my body. Then I had many months of building up the motivation for when I could finally actively do something. I'm so grateful that He lead me to Tai Cheng. If I hadn't taken the time to do that program first I wouldn't be doing as well as I am now, and I am doing considerably better than when I started it. I'm so grateful for that one little nugget of knowledge that I found while stretching in my Turbofire program about my rotator cuff. I knew that my hip was the source of my pain but didn't know exactly what the problem was with my upper back and neck. Now I can't wait to fix these problems. I just imagine how great I am going to feel when I am done and all the things that I will be physically capable of.

And now because I took the time to ask "What lack I yet?", and because He has been leading me up to this point, I now have a much different project to work on, healing myself on the inside. As hard as it's been to get my body to where it is now I anticipate that this journey will be much more trying and take much more perseverance. But I know that He will be there. I know that we will start at one end of the problem and work up, not taking it all head on and overwhelming myself. I can't wait to see where this journey takes me, however trying and painful it is, and what I'll be capable of when I'm done.

Planning to Fail

Lately I've been thinking about the saying "If you fail to plan, you plan to fail." I've been mainly applying it to my health and fitness goals and a little bit with how I manage getting my kids out the door. This morning I realized that I had planned to fail my Sabbath.

Since the First Presidency said that we need to improve our Sabbath observance I have been making it a point to have the house clean Saturday, which makes a huge difference in my Sabbath Day. Last week we changed from 1 pm church to 9 am church. We were very excited about this time change and that week I was determined to get to church on time. That night when I went to bed the house was clean, everyone's church clothes were laid out, the diaper bag was ready and breakfast preparations were on the counter. I was ready! I'd even gone to bed on time. That Sunday morning went smoothly and we enjoyed the day.

This morning I realized that I hadn't prepared for the Sabbath. Other than thinking that my house was messier than I wanted it to be when I went to bed the thought of preparing hadn't even crossed my mind, I even went to bed way later than I should have. This morning was far from pleasant. It was rushed and stressful and full of regrets. In just one week I had gotten casual and let it slip.

Today we had ward conference and despite my far from spiritual morning I felt like I was swimming in the spirit the whole three hours. President Staker talked about the Sabbath. In Sacrament meeting he talked about what he does on Sundays to make his Sabbath more meaningful. He then expounded on that topic in Sunday School with the help of his wife. I am so grateful for what I learned.

President Staker talked about doing something to renew his spirit on the Sabbath, he also talked about making the Sabbath different from the other days of the week. Sister Staker talked about finding rest on the Sabbath. She said that rest in the worldly sense was to physically rest, but rest in the spiritual sense is to draw closer to God. Meaning on the Sabbath we need to do those things that will draw us closer to God, and that will allow us to Rest in Him. I also learned that it's okay to have simple meals on Sunday but that we shouldn't hide from our children on the Sabbath, we should make it a family day.

I knew that I needed to abstain from certain activities on the Sabbath but what I hadn't thought of was adding wholesome activities to my day. I have been wondering what else I can do with my Sabbath day to help prepare me for the coming week. I need to make the day different, so that I can find the rest in Him that will help revitalize me for the coming six days.

I am so grateful for the Sabbath. I am grateful for a day that I can block out the world and focus on my Savior.