It's been a rough week. I've felt it and Elise has felt it and we have not gotten along much these past few days. I've been exhausted and overwhelmed and Elise has been particularly difficult.
This morning didn't go too bad so I chanced a trip to the grocery store, thinking that it would do us good to get out and there was a carton of raspberries on sale with my name on it.
Every time I go to the grocery store I'm sure everyone knows we are there when they hear me yell "ELISE!!!" a million times, and today was definitely not an exception.
When we go shopping I have Elise bring in her little pink shopping cart because most of the time it helps but today she wanted to run from me and run she did, so I had to keep yelling at her to "STOP!"
I told her that if she kept doing that she would lose her cart and would be riding in mine. Eventually, after she purposefully turned a corner to lose me, I was done. I ran her down, threw her cart on the bottom of mine and with no other option, because Rylan was taking up the majority of my shopping cart, just held her.
I was so mad.
And then I heard a voice behind me say, "Ma'am, do you need help?" It was one of the checkers. She'd watched me run down Elise and followed me down the aisle.
I was humbled. Humbled that someone had noticed me, seen a need and acted on it.
I don't know what I would have had her do to help me but I was finished shopping so she checked me out. As Elise grabbed her cart and started heading out the door when I was trying to pay and get all my bags, I expressed my frustration to this thoughtful checker. We talked a little about parenting and as I left she said, "Keep your head up, you're doing good."
As I walked to my car in the parking lot I realized that having that lady talk to me and walk through the store with me, even just briefly, calmed me down and helped me to feel better. I thought of how nice it would be to have someone always with me, how having someone else around can be a support and also give you perspective and uplift you. And as I longed for something like that a voice said to me "I'm with you."
How often do I forget, or rather how seldom do I remember, that He is there. I pray for help when the going gets tough and especially when I wake up and already know it's going to be a rough day, but rarely do I think of Him with me and use that thought not only to strengthen myself but to help me to be a better mother. Would I be yelling at Elise in the store if He were physically with me? If I did I would certainly be embarrassed.
I am grateful for a checker that was brave and took the time to track me down in the store and make sure I was okay.
I'm grateful for a Heavenly Father who is always there, whether I open my eyes to see Him or not.
Life is hard. Being a mother is often more than I can handle. There is no way that I could walk this life without Him and those He sends to be His hands.
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