The widows of heaven

There isn't much that embarrasses me but not being able to keep my finances under control kind of does. Not because I care what other people think about it but because I know that I should be better at it and more importantly I know HOW to be better at it. But the knowing doesn't always translate into the doing.

When we lived in Orem I was on top of things. What helped the most was living down the street from Walmart and having cheap eating and entertainment options close by. We had so many places we could go out for dinner or a treat that wouldn't put us over our budget. And we had a dollar theater close by. Oh how I miss the the dollar theater!

When we moved in with my in-laws my MIL did all the grocery shopping and cooking. And both Cody and I were working full time without having to pay for rent or utilities or food. We developed a lot of bad spending habits. When we moved into our own home, not only was I pregnant and just off of bed rest, but I was so used to Carma taking care of dinner that come Monday I would realize that not only did I not think to make a weekly menu but going grocery shopping had been the furthest thing from my mind! And on top of that we had picked up the bad habit of eating out. And places to eat in Roosevelt, unless you go to McDonald's, are not the cheapest place to eat. Nor is there much variety.

I'm happy to report that I did finally get back on the wagon. Every week I make a weekly menu and do the grocery shopping and we hardly ever eat out anymore. Which is both good for our budget and our bellies. We have resumed or old money saving tricks and are learning new ones.

But we still struggle with our budget! Not only are there so many fun things that we want to buy but we have the added baby expenses and as we have been working on getting our house in order we have had to buy things to help us do that. Plus I don't work full time anymore. I do bring in a little bit of money, which helps, but it doesn't save our budget.

We've been thinking for a while that we need to get a handle on this, and now we are finally getting serious about it. No more of this, it's okay we have savings. No! If we don't have the money, or if it's not essential, then no, we aren't buying it! This last time we got paid I had decided beforehand that we were going to try the envelope budget. Actually physically using envelopes, I pulled them out and everything and had them ready to go. And then we got paid and didn't have any money to put in said envelopes. Sad, but it's a start! It makes us more aware of our situation and what we need to do to fix it.

Why am I telling you all this? well, partly because sometimes when I get going I ramble on and on but mostly because I want to share this with you:

I have a HUGE testimony of tithing. I love tithing. I could never not pay it. I used to sometimes think of how much money that was and what I could do if I had it. Now I know it wouldn't even be worth it to have that much extra money to add to my budget. The blessings far outweigh the money. If I could put the blessings on my budget spreadsheet it would be so big it would take days for my computer to open the file.

Tithing has brought us amazing blessings. Tithing brought us to Roosevelt, got me my job at the hospital, got Cody his dream job at the paper, got us this amazing house with the amazing house payment, got me a job writing book reviews for the paper, and allows me to stay at home with my baby girl. Tithing is AMAZING!!!

But in my testimony and extreme gratefulness of tithing, there is a thought that had not yet made itself known to me. I pay a perfect tithing, and in my mind, I receive these blessings because I pay a perfect tithing and because I strive to live within my means and I worked hard to stay home with Elise. But what about when I mess up? What about when I overspend, again and again? What about when God blesses me with help and despite my best intentions, I mess it up? What then?

We have had a couple paydays recently where the check was more than I anticipated when we really needed it. And both of those times I knew that God was giving us an opportunity to do better. He was giving us higher ground to start from so that we would have a better chance of succeeding instead of being trapped in a hole that just gets deeper and deeper. We were extremely grateful for those opportunities, and while we tried to make the best of them, we weren't perfect. We still ended up over spending a bit. Sometimes for food or unnecessary items, and sometimes for unexpected expenses.

After realizing that I didn't have money to put in envelopes, and being serious about not overspending, we determined that we would not buy anything, until we got paid again. --Don't be alarmed, this was after we bought enough food to last us until the next payday!--

And then I randomly logged onto my online account to see where we were, and saw that someone had transferred money into our account. It wasn't a lot, but it was enough. Enough to give us the hope of not having to start from zero next payday. Enough that if we needed to spend a little money on something in the next two weeks we could do so knowing that we had the money to spend.

I didn't think much of this person putting money into my account until the Spirit whispered something to me I would not have thought of. This was from Him. This was Him helping us again, even though we had messed up the last two opportunities He had given us. He wants us to succeed, and He wasn't going to just give us only two opportunities to do so. He knows that we are human and that we will make mistakes and he also knows that we have good intentions, that our hearts and our goals are in the right place. As long as we are striving, and doing the best we can, even though we mess up, He will help us all He can, again and again. Such a simple truth that I should have already know, but I was blown away. I thought that I had disqualified myself from receiving His help again and that I was on my own, but I was wrong. And I was grateful that I was wrong. My testimony has been stretched to include a new testimony of His love and mercy, for me. And I am so grateful for that learning opportunity.